The more your permit yourself the right to desire what you want, express gratitude for what you have and be excited for whatever comes your way, the more abundance you are bound to receive.
- Matt Kahn
Money is just another form of love energy. But on the earth plane it is the principal form of currency which we exchange for something we value, something we give ourselves, whether it is material or intangible, like information in the form of learning. Whatever we value is frequently a mirror of how we value that aspect of us, how much we love that part of us.
It is telling though how much of our experience around giving and receiving abundance is profoundly bound in emotional stress. I’ll tell you some examples. As a child I saw both my mother’s family and my father’s family squabbling over inheritances whenever anyone in the family died. Various aunts and uncles would stake their share, contest the will, disagree vehemently and destroy relationships to the point where whole families would cease speaking to each other. They forgot the love they felt for one another and felt the fear of lack instead.
Then there’s the instances when cousins or uncles would borrow money from family to get themselves out of debt. But when they came into wealth, they never paid it back. My take away as a child was to never put myself in a position where someone could twist my arm to guilt me into lending them money. Because I would likely never see it repaid. Nowadays I never lend money, I just give it. But I also developed a money habit of never having enough savings to be in a position to help someone out, even though I always earned a huge amount. Money and love became conditionally bound. Because of this belief I couldn’t save. I always sabotaged myself by spending. I earned a lot, but I also spent a lot. And I felt that being selfish was a bad thing. Spending on myself produced so much angst.
Another situation which affected the way I saw the world was the way my mother’s extended family pooled their financial resources to acquire part shares in land or property. But when it came to selling, they would again fight over the distribution and who received how much of the profit. As a result I stayed well away from any financial entanglements with my immediate family. When they decided to buy a house together, making it more affordable to pool the down payment, you couldn’t bribe me to join. I felt the need to protect myself from being hurt. In fact, a few months ago when one of my best friends requested a healing session, I failed to tell her that I had started charging a “friends rate”. She was one of my firsts, back when I was doing clinical practice last year. But I’d rather give the healing to her than have her owe me. Somehow, it didn’t feel like an equitable energy exchange to me.
So for me, the energy of money was intimately related to family dynamics and how I related to my sister, my mum and my dear dad. Just writing these stories out, I can see that the value I see in my familial relationships is intrinsically linked in how I valued my role in their lives. I didn’t want to…couldn’t provide emotional support. I made myself emotionally unavailable when my dad was suffering and dying from cancer. I didn’t want to get entangled in the aftermath. It was a way of protecting myself. Because I distanced myself emotionally, I became an outsider to the family. I withheld my value to them and to myself.
But life is messy, otherwise it would be boring. Ruminating about why things are the way they are is how I understand my world. So that’s my call to make more effort to get back into the emotional fray with my family, embrace what all that means and express my deepest gratitude to them for being my dearest people in this life. I have since made peace with all of the above. Because I love myself way too much to sell myself short. In fact I’m making a phone call to my mum right now.
If you're not in Sydney, and you're being pulled to a distance healing session with me but you're not sure how this will work, schedule a friendly virtual chat with me here and we can catch up on Zoom to discuss your needs, lovely.